Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
