Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
