This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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