My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
