Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
