i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
