So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
