He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
