I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
