I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
