Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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