I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
