He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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