we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
