i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
