zippers are such a cool invention
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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