i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
that may or may not have been my penis.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
