I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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