Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
