Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
