i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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