So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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