he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
