two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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