This is not my ceiling
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
