wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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