don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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