youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
