So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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