you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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