Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
