No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
