everyone is single if you try hard enough
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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