I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she looked like the before picture.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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