the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
