i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
