I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
then he tried to convert me to islam
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
