Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
