im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
