I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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