Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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