You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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