He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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