Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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