dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
