Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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