he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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