well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
