The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
