Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
it's like heaven, but drunker
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
