Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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