guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
