peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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