If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
