stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
