I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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