Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
