I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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