I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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