I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The power of my boobs compel you
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
