I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
