Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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