Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize